But on a more realistic level maybe I am getting a natural non induced period!! That would be a bittersweet gift!
Today Cylce Day 24 I am having more spotting pinkish brown. Very light spotting. But more than yesterday. Which leads me to beleive that it is a period coming on. But I still hope its implantation.
I am so full of Hope I am pretty sure I am floating right now. I warned God last night that, though I know his timing is perfect and I have absolute faith in that, I will need him when I get a negitve HPTand I will be OH SO HAPPY if my period comes all natural though it will be bittersweet. Because that will mean I missed a possible ovulation.
Sometimes I wonder if people really know what it is like to be so up and down for 4 years and 5 months of hope and let down, and excitement, and 100s of negative OPK's and HPT's. It hurts and its wearing. Since September last year I have never had so much hope working with someone I thought was going to really help me. I have been dealing with so many ups and downs, and disapointment and failure.
I have been "giving it all I got" and its still not good enough compared to what I could be doing! Though something must be working considering I got some ever so encouraging SPOTTING.
Its funny how a person always wants more. I used to think if I ATLEAST got my period I would feel better. Now it is looking like that is the case and of course I am EXTATIC, but there is that little negative voice that says its only 1. You got 1 last year too. It doesnt really mean anything.
Why does the negative rear its ugly head. I would much rather be floating in hope. But I have been down this road before. Where I am so full of hope I could burst and and then something happens and the let down hurts so bad. I am starting to have this negativity that is really I think a natural defense mechanism. I dont like it.
KUTLESS LYRICS
"What Faith Can Do"
Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes
And make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it's more than you can take
But you're stronger
Stronger than you know
Don't you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining
I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do
It doesn't matter what you've heard
Impossible is not a word
It's just a reason
For someone not to try
Everybody's scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It'll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing
I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do
Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance
(That's what faith can do)
When the world says you can't
It'll tell you that you can
I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do
That's what faith can do
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise
So heres to keepin Faith.
Luke 1:37 FOR NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH GOD
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