I have this problem with a girl at work.
I completely open up to her and completely over explain myself and its embarrassing....I dont know why I tell her EVERYTHING....its like she fed me truth serum....uggghhhh
so i just opened up to her about weight and she is really tiny.....embarrassing.....
and I decided I would tell her that I dont want to do a certain activity becuase I think I might be too fat, and I am scared I will embarrass myself. She decided to council me. Very sweetly of course...she is super sweet. but I always tell her so much I am embarrassed aftwards....we just spent 20 mins talking about me and my lifestyle and my changes.
I confessed everything I have been working on and all my struggles, and how I need to make more changes, and making a long list of excuses for why I am the way I am. And why I refuse to deprive myself of anything I want. and blah blah blah. She said I need to commit to a change instead of making excuses on why I am just cutting down and blah blah blah.......
its the same story if you want something bad enough you will do it.....I hate hearing that....I want to be thin and healthy very bad....but something is holding me back, and I dont know what...I just refuse to deny myself ANYTHING....if I want something I get it. food and smoking are the same for me....I can not go with out....and if i think i will never eat this again or I will never smoke again....I want to go full strength ahead....
well anyways i tell her the truth way too much, and it embarrasses me. She knows what I am doing at all times as far as work because she works directly behind me, and I confess freaking everything to her. and even my lifestyle....i dont know her that well and she knows everything about me....I just keep talking and talking and confessing and over explaining.....I think she feeds me truth serum......
I completely open up to her and completely over explain myself and its embarrassing....I dont know why I tell her EVERYTHING....its like she fed me truth serum....uggghhhh
so i just opened up to her about weight and she is really tiny.....embarrassing.....
and I decided I would tell her that I dont want to do a certain activity becuase I think I might be too fat, and I am scared I will embarrass myself. She decided to council me. Very sweetly of course...she is super sweet. but I always tell her so much I am embarrassed aftwards....we just spent 20 mins talking about me and my lifestyle and my changes.
I confessed everything I have been working on and all my struggles, and how I need to make more changes, and making a long list of excuses for why I am the way I am. And why I refuse to deprive myself of anything I want. and blah blah blah. She said I need to commit to a change instead of making excuses on why I am just cutting down and blah blah blah.......
its the same story if you want something bad enough you will do it.....I hate hearing that....I want to be thin and healthy very bad....but something is holding me back, and I dont know what...I just refuse to deny myself ANYTHING....if I want something I get it. food and smoking are the same for me....I can not go with out....and if i think i will never eat this again or I will never smoke again....I want to go full strength ahead....
well anyways i tell her the truth way too much, and it embarrasses me. She knows what I am doing at all times as far as work because she works directly behind me, and I confess freaking everything to her. and even my lifestyle....i dont know her that well and she knows everything about me....I just keep talking and talking and confessing and over explaining.....I think she feeds me truth serum......
Sometimes I think I am overly honest, and I need to keep somethings to myself.....However....in this case I think we are on to something....what am I so affraid of?? Why am I affraid to succeed?? What is holding me back....am I affraid that if I get healthy and thin that I still won't beable to get pregnant? Can I handle the answer with out hope. Maybe I am screwing things up on purpose because I am scared??? Maybe I am just affraid to fail so I only let myself do well a little bit??? Am I hiding behind hope?
Sometimes I think this blog might be too personal to really be sharing...but not very many people are following....and my true hopes are that with this blog I can lay things out on the table and I can look at them and figure out the truth for myself...and get to where I want to be.
